Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
    A strip of light peeked from the bathroom door, pressing over her exposed body. She lay waiting on the hotel bed. Her body weightless, and mind to the air. The man she paid was preparing himself on the other side.

    She was done with the motionless life of her cubicle, done gazing at the intangible stars. She only wanted to meld with the rapid city, its bustling streets, and neon ridden backdrop.

   As it was happening, she savored the bounce of the springs, the hovering heat, the feel of her flesh under the lifelines of a stranger. For a short time, she could move with the rest.

  In the morning, she woke alone to the noise of traffic and chatter. Her body remained, swaddled by the memory of him.

   The stars were gone.

   She was left to start again
I'm not sure what this is. Thought I'd share it anyway!
Comments and/or critiques are always appreciated. 
Add a Comment:
nawkaman Featured By Owner Jun 28, 2014
I think this is more flash fiction than narrative poetry. The language does have a poetic nature, but the structure is much more geared toward prose. Whatever you call it, though, it's well expressed. I think the detached sensuality works and the vacant sort of emotion is interesting too.
MickeyFebruary Featured By Owner Jun 28, 2014  Student Writer
Thanks for the feedback! :) I started out writing in stanzas, but I didn't like how it looked. I was thinking this was more of a flash fiction or poetry prose piece as well. I just couldn't find the category on deviantart.
nawkaman Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2014
You're quite welcome.

Yeah, I don't think there is one for prose-poetry.
WibbitGuy Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2014  Student General Artist
This one is quite sensual and suggestive, but in an artistic way (traditional works are usually like that). The writing creates some vivid imagery, and keeps the reader guessing at the context of the woman's role. Short and sweet, with bits of juicy substance. Nice! ;)
MickeyFebruary Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2014  Student Writer
Thanks! I wanted it to be sensual but not sexy. Glad you like it. I posted another poem recently that is sensual/suggestive in a similar fashion. It's called "Red Sedan" if you want to check it out.
WibbitGuy Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2014  Student General Artist
Just read it. It's good too but I think "Starless" gives a stronger impression because it's told in third-person perspective. That and the fact that it's short and straight to the point... whatever that may be... :D
MickeyFebruary Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2014  Student Writer
Good to know. Thanks for reading them :D
Add a Comment:

:iconmickeyfebruary: More from MickeyFebruary

More from DeviantArt

Doctor WhoHurtling through time and space,
                                                     Can he ever find a place?
                                             Jumping forward to a brand new earth,
                                                Jumping back to an empty hearth.
                                             Forward again to see the Face of Boe,
                                                 Back in time to meet an old foe.
                                               He is pursued by an incessant fact,
                                              The likes of which he can't take back.
                                               His entire home, his people his soul,
                                               All gone, leaving him without a goal.
                                                   The last of the Time Wars,
                                                        The end of his kind,
                                                   He is trapped b


Submitted on
June 26, 2014


2 (who?)